


Do It

by bittykanita



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/M, Suicide Attempt, trigger warning for attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:14:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22516828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bittykanita/pseuds/bittykanita
Summary: Steven contemplates, and nearly takes action. Spinel stops him.
Relationships: Spinel & Steven Universe, Spinel/Steven Universe
Comments: 4
Kudos: 97





	Do It

**Author's Note:**

> tRIGGER wARNINGS foR SuiCIDE atTEMPt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> DONT READ IF YOU HAVE TRAUMA/ARE SENSITIVE TO SUCH

“Do it, do it,” thousands of voices whisper in his head as he teeters over the edge of the fence.

He knows why he’s doing this. He knows he’s tired, he’s useless, he can’t do anything right. And most of all, he’s only hurting people now. All he’s done in the past year was hurt people. He hurt Spinel by being selfish, he ruined the GEHM program, he scared Volleyball, he trapped his friends, he created a monster, and…

Steven looks at the ocean, barely visible wisps of waves crashing against rocks that must have been millions of years old now. He hears the faint caw of a seagull. Nothing goes up here. The wind is barely noticeable on the tall hill. Yet, Steven can still hear it whisper. Much more faint to the screaming inside of his head, however.

He wonders if people will notice he is gone. Wonders if anything will change. Little Homeschool would probably run as usual, and maybe the gems would have a small mourning session, but they were immortal. They’d get over it, right? 

He picks up his left foot and places it on the fence, getting ready to launch himself off with both hands gripping the fence loosely. Does anyone know he even left the party? Did anyone see him leave? He doubts it. 

They’ll have fun without him, for sure.

_______

  
  


Steven hesitates, and that’s just enough for her to reach out, stretching her arm as far as it can go and grabbing his leg just as she rounds the top of the hill. He hangs in the air, his jacket and shirt hanging down due to gravity. She grips his leg tighter as he tries to pry her hand off of it.

“S..Spi—“

“Let’s cut to the chase, Universe,” she says sharply, cutting Steven off. “why were you jumping off of a cliff?”

“U-uh, it’s not what it looks like, really,” he tries to explain. The hybrid deflates a bit when she raises a brow, clearly unamused. 

“Not what it looks like?” she repeats. “Oh!  _ You’re not trying to _ , what is it again— _ kill yourself!? _ ”

Steven sighs. “I know.. it looks bad.. but it’s for the best, Spin—“

“ _ S-sh-shut up _ !” she yells at him. He flinches visibly, so the gem lowers her voice a bit to just a firm tone. “It’s not for the best! Maybe just for  _ you _ !” 

“ _ No one needs me anymore, okay!? _ ” he snaps back, suddenly glowing entirely pink. she pulls him back and drops him onto the grass roughly. He’s still growling as she stomps over to him, clearly confused but also ready to fight. He lays on his stomach, yelling at the ground. “No one..  _ I’m useless! _ ”

He pounds on the grass, tears flowing from his eyes as he loses control of his feelings. She watches in confusion as he punches it out with the ground for several minutes until he collapses and his skin and hair return to their natural colours. The flexible gem moves over slowly so as to not surprise him, kneeling down beside the hybrid. 

“Steven.”

“What…” the teenager grumbles, clearly upset that his plans were foiled by a gem that was literally made out of rubber. Or.. whatever soft plastic she felt like…

She stares at him for another moment and then places her hand on his back. Steven looks at her, turning his head slightly so it’s not his entire face in the dirt. The gem then moves her arm under him, pushing his upper body up to face her. He stays limp, so she adjusts by sitting down and opting to put his head on her lap instead. She looks at his swollen and tired eyes as she feels his dark curls.

“You’re really stupid, y’know? Tch, no one needs ya anymore? As if!” she tells him, booping his nose playfully with a swift motion of her hand and then tangling her fingers in his hair again.

“I don’t know who’d ever need someone as…  _ clingy  _ as me,” Steven replies sadly. She frowns as he continues, “I’m just.. so  _ useless!  _ I feel like no one needs me.. I’m just not  _ wanted  _ here!”

“Steven…” the gem starts, sounding hurt. He looks up at her, his eyes twinkling a little bit in the spring sun. “I need you! I-I know it’s stupid, but.. I w-want..  _ you _ .”

“Spinel? Are you serious?”

“More serious than Garnet on those Wednesday future predictions I keep hearin’ about,” Spinel says quickly, not even hesitating. 

Steven seems taken aback. He freezes up, unsure of what to do. Spinel stares into his eyes and he’s locked there for a long time, both confused about what to do.

“U-uhh, Steven, did I say something wrong?  _ I-I’m sorry! _ ” she says, suddenly worried.

“No, you didn’t say anything wrong,” Steven replies glumly, “I’m still… thinking.”

“About…?” 

Steven doesn’t reply to that. Spinel sighs and stays with him, listening to the wind around them and the soft fluttering of the grass and the skies turn pink and orange. 

“Steven, are you okay?” she asks after a long while. It’s getting cold out, she can tell.

“Yeah… I- I really would have regretted that, huh…?” 

“I’m glad I caught you,” Spinel replies. 

“I’m… glad too.”

“Don’t scare me like that again, Steven,” Spinel starts to sob now, holding him close in her arms. 

He smiles.  _ At least someone cares _ , his mind tells him,  _ but does anyone else? _

“I won’t, Spinel,” he tells her.

“I won’t  _ let _ you either.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> so. this was a vent. that i finished. im a lot like steven, actually. but i wont go into the details.


End file.
